Friendship Breakups Hurt More Than Anyone Admits. How to Get Through One
Nobody writes songs about losing a best friend, but it can hurt as much as any breakup. Here's how to handle the ending, the lunch table and the part where you miss them.
In this guide
There are a million songs about breaking up with a boyfriend or girlfriend. There are almost none about losing your best friend. That doesn’t mean it hurts less. For a lot of people, it hurts more: this was the person who knew everything, and now they’re just someone you pass in the hallway.
If you’re going through one right now, here’s the honest truth. It’s going to feel bad for a while, and that’s normal. It also gets better, usually faster than it feels like it will.
Why friendship breakups hurt so much
- They were part of your everyday life. Lunch, the group chat, the walk home. Losing a friend means losing your routine too.
- Nobody takes it seriously. People expect you to be sad about a breakup. Being sad about a friend can feel like you’re not “allowed” to make it a big deal.
- There’s often no clear ending. Many friendships fade instead of ending with a conversation, which leaves you guessing what happened.
- You still see them. At school, online, with your other friends. It’s hard to move on from someone you see every day.
The different ways friendships end
The slow fade
You stop texting as much. Plans don’t happen. One day you realize you haven’t really talked in a month. Nobody did anything wrong, you just grew in different directions. This is the most common kind, and the most confusing.
The blowup
A fight, a betrayal, a secret that got out. It’s sudden and it stings, and there’s usually a lot of “she said, she said” afterward.
The one you chose
Sometimes you’re the one who ends it, because the friendship made you feel bad about yourself more than it made you feel good. That can still hurt, even when it was the right call.
How to get through a friendship breakup
1. Let yourself be sad
You lost something real. Cry if you need to, listen to the sad playlist, eat the ice cream. Pretending you’re fine usually makes it last longer.
2. Don’t trash them
It’s tempting to vent in the group chat or post something passive-aggressive. Don’t. It almost always comes back around, it pulls your shared friends into picking sides, and you’ll probably regret it in a week. Vent to someone outside the friend group instead: a sibling, a cousin, a parent, a journal.
3. Mute before you block
You don’t need to watch their stories with their new friends. Muting them lets you take a break without making a big statement. If they’re being mean to you online, though, blocking is completely okay.
4. Plan the hard moments
Lunch, the bus, the class you share. Figure out ahead of time where you’ll sit and who you’ll talk to. Having a plan makes those moments a lot less scary.
5. Say yes to other people
This is the part that actually heals it. Sit with someone new. Join the club. Say yes when someone invites you, even if you don’t feel like it. New friendships don’t replace the old one, but they make room for you to feel like yourself again.
6. Think about what you learned
Not to blame yourself, just to notice. What did you love about that friendship? What didn’t feel good? That’s useful for picking the people you get close to next.
Should you try to fix it?
Sometimes a friendship is worth one honest conversation, especially after a misunderstanding or a fight where you both said things you didn’t mean. Green flags mean it’s probably worth a try. Red flags mean it may be healthier to let it go.
- It was a single fight, not a pattern
- You both made mistakes
- You miss who they are, not just having someone to sit with
- They made you feel bad about yourself a lot of the time
- They shared your secrets or talked about you behind your back on purpose
- You’d only be fixing it so you’re not alone
If you decide to reach out, keep it short and low pressure:
If they don’t want to, that’s an answer too. You were brave enough to ask, and now you can stop wondering.
When it’s affecting everything
It’s normal to feel down for a few weeks. But if you can’t stop thinking about it, you’re having trouble sleeping or eating, you don’t want to go to school, or you’re being bullied by your old friend or their new group, talk to a trusted adult or a school counselor. If bullying is part of it, StopBullying.gov explains what you can do. You don’t have to deal with that alone.