How to Get Along With Your Siblings (Even the One Who Drives You Nuts)
You don't have to be best friends. Nine small things that make living with a brother or sister calmer, from fighting fair to finding one thing you both like.
In this guide
- 1. Find one thing you both like
- 2. Respect their stuff and their space
- 3. Fight fair
- 4. Don’t compete for everything
- 5. Let small stuff go
- 6. Have their back outside the house
- 7. Apologize when you’re wrong
- 8. Spend a little time one-on-one
- 9. Get a parent’s help with the repeat fights
- Older, younger or twins: what’s different
- Questions people ask
Some siblings are best friends. Most are somewhere between “we’re fine” and “please get out of my room.” Getting along doesn’t mean you have to love hanging out every day. It means home feels calm instead of like a battlefield.
Here are nine things that actually make a difference, whether your sibling is older, younger or the same age.
1. Find one thing you both like
A show, a game, a sports team, a snack you both secretly love. One shared thing gives you something to do together that isn’t fighting. It doesn’t have to be a big deal: watching one episode together a week counts.
2. Respect their stuff and their space
Most sibling fights start with something being borrowed, taken or touched. Ask first, give it back, knock before going in. When you treat their things the way you want yours treated, it’s a lot easier to ask the same from them.
3. Fight fair
You’ll still argue. That’s normal. But some ways of arguing make it way worse:
- Stick to the thing you’re arguing about
- Take a break when it gets heated
- Say “I feel” instead of “you always”
- Come back to it later and actually finish it
- Bringing up every old fight
- Making fun of things they’re insecure about
- Telling secrets to win
- Getting physical
4. Don’t compete for everything
Grades, sports, who’s the favorite, who gets more attention. Competition between siblings is common, but it turns every good thing that happens to one of you into a loss for the other. Try being genuinely happy for them when something goes well. It’s contagious.
If your parents are the ones doing the comparing, that’s a different problem. Here’s what to do when your parents compare you.
5. Let small stuff go
Not every annoying thing needs a reaction. Chewing loudly, singing in the shower, telling the same joke for the tenth time. Pick your battles and save your energy for the things that really matter to you.
6. Have their back outside the house
Siblings who fight at home can still be a team at school or in public. Stick up for them if someone’s being mean, don’t spread their embarrassing stories, and say hi in the hallway. They’ll remember it.
7. Apologize when you’re wrong
It’s weirdly harder to say sorry to a sibling than to a friend. Do it anyway. A short, specific apology (“Sorry I read your texts, that wasn’t okay”) resets more than a week of awkward silence. Our tips on how to apologize work just as well at home.
8. Spend a little time one-on-one
Siblings often only interact in crowded, stressful moments: rushing in the morning, fighting over the car, family dinners. Ten minutes alone, like walking the dog together or picking up food, can change how you see each other.
9. Get a parent’s help with the repeat fights
If you fight about the same thing every week, it needs a rule, not another argument. Bring a parent a specific problem and a fair solution, like a schedule for the bathroom or turns for the TV. More on that in how to deal with annoying siblings.
Older, younger or twins: what’s different
- If you’re the oldest: younger siblings often copy you because they look up to you. A little patience goes a long way, and you’re allowed to ask for privacy.
- If you’re the youngest: older siblings may seem bossy, but often they’re stressed or were told to look after you. Ask for what you want calmly instead of tattling first.
- If you’re close in age or twins: you get compared the most. Find things that are just yours, and let them have theirs.
