My Parents Always Fight. What Can I Do?

You hear it start through the wall, or in the kitchen, or in the car. Voices getting louder. You put headphones on, but you can still feel it. Living with parents who fight a lot is exhausting, and it’s really common to feel anxious, angry or on edge at home.

Here’s what you can and can’t control.

It’s not your fault, and it’s not your job to fix

Even if they fight about money, school or you, the fight is between them. Adults are responsible for how they handle conflict. You can’t make them stop, and trying to referee usually pulls you into the middle.

Have a plan for when it starts

• Go somewhere else in the house, or outside if it’s safe.
• Headphones and something that absorbs you: music, a show, a game, a podcast.
• Text a friend. You don’t have to explain everything. “Rough night at home” is enough.
• Use a coping skill to calm your body. Here’s our list of coping skills for bad days.

If you have younger siblings, it can help to take them to another room and put something on for them too. But you’re not their parent, and it’s okay to ask an adult for help with that.

Tell them how it affects you

Many parents don’t realize how much their kids hear. Pick a calm time, not during or right after a fight, and talk to the parent you feel safer with:

Writing it in a letter is fine too, if saying it out loud feels impossible.

Talk to someone outside it

A school counselor, a relative, a coach or a friend’s parent can help you feel less alone and help you think through what to do. If it’s affecting your sleep or school, or you feel anxious most of the time, that’s a good reason to talk to a counselor. Here’s how to ask your parents for a therapist.