How to Make Friends in College: A First Semester Plan

The fastest way to make friends in college is to put yourself in the same place as the same people, again and again, and then start one small conversation. You don’t need to be outgoing. You need repeats.

If you’re 17 to 19 and your first semester feels lonelier than the brochures promised, you’re not behind. Everyone around you is also pretending they already have a group. Here’s a plan for the first weeks, plus what to do if the plan feels like too much.

Is it normal to feel lonely at the start of college?

Yes. The Jed Foundation, a nonprofit focused on teen and young adult mental health, says in its guide for first-year students that there’s “nothing weird or wrong about feeling unsettled or lonely in the first few weeks or months at school.” It also cites its own survey of 830 people ages 16 to 24, in which nearly half of current or former college students said they felt out of place or isolated while in college.

So the person next to you in the dining hall who looks totally fine might be counting the minutes until they can go back to their room. That’s good news, because it means almost everyone is open to a friendly “hey.”

How long does it take to make friends in college?

Longer than a week, and that’s okay. University of Kansas researcher Jeffrey Hall studied this in a paper in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. According to Psychology Today’s summary, his second study followed 112 brand-new freshmen through the first nine weeks of the school year. Across his studies, it took roughly 50 hours together to go from acquaintance to casual friend, about 90 hours to become a friend, and more than 200 hours for a best friend.

Those are approximate cut-offs, not a countdown timer. What matters more is how you spend the time: according to that summary, joking around, having meaningful conversations and catching up sped friendships along, and some adults spent hundreds of hours with coworkers and still called them acquaintances.

That’s why a study group where you also grab food afterward works better than a study group where everyone silently stares at laptops. For the high school version of this advice, see how to make new friends at school. This post is about the extra things college throws at you: dorms, giant classes and a schedule nobody else controls.

Where to meet people in your first weeks

Pick two or three of these, not all of them. You want repeat contact with the same people.

• Your floor or building. Leave your door open when you’re in your room. Go to the floor meeting and the first building event, even if it’s awkward.
• Orientation and welcome week events. Everyone is new, nobody has a group yet. Ask people where they’re from and what they’re studying.
• Clubs and student organizations. Check out the club fair if your school has one, then go to a meeting of two or three clubs and see which one you’d come back to.
• Classes. Sit in the same area each time, learn one name per class and ask “want to compare notes?” after a lecture.
• A campus job. Library, dining hall or front desk jobs put you with the same people on a schedule.
• Volunteering. Shared work gives you something to talk about besides “what’s your major.”
• Intramurals or a fitness class. You don’t need to be good. You need to show up weekly.

How do you start a conversation in college?

Keep it light and specific. Questions about the shared situation are the easiest:

• “Which dorm are you in? Is your shower as weird as mine?”
• “Did you understand what the professor meant about the paper?”
• “Have you found a decent place to study yet?”
• “Are you going to the club fair? Want to walk over together?”

If you tend to freeze up, our guide on how to stop being shy has more scripts.

How do you turn a classmate into a friend?

This is the step most people skip. You meet someone, it goes well, and then you never talk again because neither of you wants to be weird. Make the first move small and clear.

• Exchange numbers or socials the first time it goes well. “Can I text you the notes?” is a natural way to ask.
• Follow up within a day or two. A quick text or a meme about the class keeps it warm.
• Invite, don’t ask for a big commitment. Coffee or lunch is better than “let’s hang out sometime.”
• Say yes to invitations when you can. You don’t have to say yes to everything. Just say yes enough that people keep asking.
• Be okay with a no. If someone’s busy, try again in a couple of weeks. It’s rarely about you.

If you want ideas for what to actually do together, see things to do with friends.

What if you commute or your roommate isn’t your friend?

If you live at home or off campus, you have to be a bit more deliberate, since you’re not bumping into people in a hallway. Choose a regular spot on campus, like the library or student center, between classes. Join a club that meets in the afternoon or evening and stay for the hangout after.

If your roommate isn’t your best friend, that’s normal. Roommates don’t have to be besties. Being respectful and communicating about space, noise and guests is enough. You can find your people elsewhere. If it’s more serious than a personality mismatch, talk to your resident advisor or the housing office.

If your friends from home are far away, keep them. JED notes that going off to college doesn’t mean losing your network and encourages you to lean on friends, family and faculty. Just try not to let the group chat from home replace every new hangout. A call on Sunday plus a new friend on Tuesday works.

What if you can’t find your people yet?

If you’ve tried a few things and nothing is clicking, you haven’t failed. Try a different kind of group, like something creative or outdoors, or a weekly volunteer shift. Read I feel like I have no friends if you want a gentler, longer take on loneliness.

If a “friend” makes you feel small or leaves you out on purpose, you don’t have to accept it. Our post on signs of a toxic friend can help you tell the difference between a slow start and a bad fit.

Look up what your school offers. JED says most schools provide academic, social and emotional resources and support, and that “it’s a sign of strength to reach out for help when you need it.” Reaching out doesn’t mean something is wrong with you.

When loneliness is more than a slow start

Feeling lonely for a few weeks is common. It’s worth getting help if the feeling doesn’t lift, if you’re skipping classes or meals, if you can’t sleep, or if you feel hopeless. Start with your campus counseling center, your resident advisor, a doctor or a trusted adult at home.

Questions people ask