Being Bullied at School: What Actually Works (and What Makes It Worse)

If you’re being bullied, you might feel like it’s only happening to you. It isn’t. According to the CDC’s Youth Risk Behavior Survey, 19% of high school students were bullied at school in 2023, up from 15% in 2021. The CDC says about 1 in 6 were bullied online or by text.

None of that makes it okay, and none of it is your fault. Here’s what tends to help, and what tends to make things worse.

Is it bullying or just drama?

Bullying is when someone keeps hurting, threatening, mocking or excluding you on purpose, and they have some kind of power over you: they’re bigger, more popular, or there’s a group of them. The national survey describes it as students who “tease, threaten, spread rumors about, hit, shove, or hurt another student over and over again.”

A one-time fight between friends, or two people who are equally mean to each other, is a conflict, not bullying. It can still hurt, but it’s handled differently. If someone you thought was a friend keeps putting you down, see the signs of a toxic friend.

In the moment: what helps

KidsHealth and StopBullying.gov give similar advice:

• Stay calm on the outside, even if you’re not inside. Bullies often want a reaction. A flat face and walking away takes away the reward.
• Walk away to somewhere with adults or friends. A classroom, the office, a group of people.
• Use a short, boring line if you need to say something: “Okay.” “Whatever.” “Stop.” Then leave.
• Stand tall. Confident body language, even fake confidence, makes you look like a harder target.
• Stay near your people. Avoid being alone in the places where it happens, like a certain hallway or the bus.

What usually makes it worse

Telling an adult so they actually act

Telling isn’t snitching. It’s the step that works most often. KidsHealth points out that parents, teachers and coaches can often deal with bullying without the bully knowing who reported it.

Adults act faster on facts than on feelings. Before you go:

1. Write down what happened: what was said or done, when, where and who saw it.
2. Save screenshots of anything online.
3. Say what you want to happen, like changing your seat or getting help on the bus.

If the first adult doesn’t help, tell another one: a counselor, a principal, a coach, a parent. Keep going until someone acts.

If it’s happening online

StopBullying.gov recommends:

• Don’t respond. Replying usually feeds it.
• Keep evidence. Screenshot messages and posts, with dates and times.
• Block the person and report them to the app or site. Bullying often breaks the platform’s rules.
• Tell your school. Online bullying is often connected to what happens at school.
• Some of it is a crime. Threats of violence, sexual photos or messages, taking photos or videos of someone where they expect privacy, stalking and hate crimes should be reported to the police.

Taking care of yourself

Being bullied can mess with your sleep, your appetite, your grades and how you see yourself. That’s a normal reaction to something that’s not normal. A few things that help:

• Spend time with people who make you feel like yourself, in or outside school.
• Do something you’re good at: a sport, art, music, a game.
• Move your body. Exercise is a good place for anger to go.
• Try some coping skills for the hard evenings.

If you feel hopeless, can’t stop thinking about it, or have thoughts of hurting yourself, talk to someone today. You can call or text 988, any time.

If you see someone else being bullied

You don’t have to be a hero. Stand next to the person, invite them to sit with you, walk them out of the situation or tell an adult. Small moves from bystanders often stop bullying faster than anything else.

Questions people ask