My Crush Has a Girlfriend and It Hurts

First, the short answer: yes, you can still like him, and no, you can’t act on it while he’s with someone. What helps is giving the feeling room, giving yourself some distance, and not putting your life on hold to see what happens with them.

Seeing them together in the hallway. Her name on his posts. Friends talking about them like it’s normal. Every time, it stings. And on top of the hurt, you might feel kind of embarrassed for still liking him.

Don’t be. Feelings don’t switch off because someone is taken. What you do with them is what matters, so let’s go through it.

Why does it hurt so much when your crush has a girlfriend?

Because you’re not just sad about one person. You’re also dealing with a few other things at once:

• The hope is gone. You’d been picturing a “maybe someday,” and now there’s a very visible “no, not now.”
• You see it all the time. If you share classes, a friend group or the same feeds, the reminder shows up every day, in places you can’t avoid.
• It can feel personal. Your brain starts asking “why her and not me?” and fills in answers that aren’t true.
• You have to hide it. Smiling at lunch while it hurts is tiring.

Feeling this way doesn’t make you dramatic. It’s a normal reaction to wanting something you can’t have right now.

What should you do when your crush has a girlfriend?

Start by being honest with yourself. He’s in a relationship, which means that for now, the answer is no. Even if he’s friendly. Even if he looks at you sometimes. Even if you think they’re not a good match. Reading into small things is the fastest way to stay stuck.

Then let yourself feel it. KidsHealth’s guide to rejection for teens says to acknowledge the hurt to yourself, and to admit how you feel without dwelling on it. In practice that means:

• Cry, write it out or vent to a friend who will actually listen. These journal prompts can help if you don’t know where to start.
• Set a time limit on the spiral. Ten minutes of feeling it is better than three hours of replaying it.
• When your brain explains why this happened, stick to the facts. “He’s with someone” is a fact. “I’m not good enough” is not.

What not to do when your crush has a girlfriend

• Don’t try to come between them. Flirting, hinting, “accidentally” showing up where they are, or gossiping about his girlfriend usually backfires. It can hurt people, including you, and it’s the kind of thing people remember.
• Don’t wait around for them to break up. Waiting turns your life into a holding pattern for something that may never happen. If they do split, you can decide how you feel then.
• Don’t take it out on her. She didn’t do anything to you. You don’t have to be best friends, but being cold or rude to her makes things worse for you.
• Don’t stalk their accounts. It’s just picking at a sore spot.

Not sure whether you’re in “friends” territory or something blurrier? Our guide to situationships explains why unclear setups hurt so much.

How do you act around him and his girlfriend?

You don’t have to fake being fine, and you don’t have to disappear. Aim for polite and normal, with a bit of distance.

• Be friendly, keep it short. A hello, a normal comment, then go back to your own thing.
• Spend less one-on-one time with him. Group settings are easier. Do this at least until it hurts less.
• Leave early if you need to. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. “I have to go” is enough.
• Don’t compare yourself to her. She’s a whole person, not a scoreboard. If your brain starts doing it anyway, this guide helps.

If you do need to say something because it’s getting awkward, keep it simple and true:

You don’t need to confess anything. A calm, boring answer protects you both.

What if he flirts with you anyway?

This is the hardest one, because it feels like proof. It isn’t.

Flirting with a girl on the side while he’s with someone tells you he’s okay with being dishonest. That is not the guy you want to date, even if the attention feels good right now. If he hints that he’d “rather be with you,” treat it as a no, not as an invitation. You can say, “You have a girlfriend, so I’m not doing this,” and walk away.

Wondering whether he really likes you or he’s just friendly? These signs a guy likes you are useful, but they only count when he’s actually single.

How do you get over a crush who has a girlfriend?

There’s no switch, but there are things that speed it up:

• Mute their stories for a while. You don’t have to unfollow or make a statement. You just don’t need a daily reminder.
• Fill the space. Make plans with friends, join something, get back to a hobby. Less empty time means less replaying.
• Notice what you liked about him. Funny? Kind? Good listener? Those are things to look for in someone who’s actually available.
• Talk to someone you trust. A friend, a parent, an older cousin. Saying it out loud takes some of the weight off.
• Be patient. It usually doesn’t disappear in a day. It fades in pieces: one day you realize you didn’t think about him all morning.

There’s more in our guide on how to get over a crush who doesn’t like you back. If your thoughts keep looping, how to stop overthinking is a good next read.

It won’t hurt this much forever. One day you’ll see them together and realize it doesn’t sting anymore.

Questions people ask

If the hurt feels too big to carry alone, or it’s getting in the way of sleeping, eating or school, tell a parent, a school counselor or a doctor. Needing support for heartbreak is normal.