How to Stop Crying When You Really Need To (and Why You Cry So Easily)
Quick ways to hold back tears at school or in an argument, why some people cry more easily, and how to tell when it's worth talking to someone.
In this guide
Your teacher hands back a test, your mom says one wrong sentence, someone laughs at the wrong moment, and suddenly your throat goes tight and your eyes sting. You don’t want to cry here. Not now, not in front of everyone.
Crying easily isn’t a flaw, and you don’t need to stop crying forever. But there are moments when you need to hold it together for a few minutes. Here’s how to do that, and how to cry less often when it keeps happening.
First: crying isn’t the problem
Cleveland Clinic calls crying a common and normal reaction, and says people cry from sadness and happiness, but also from frustration, sudden anger, fear and big laughs. That’s why you can tear up in an argument when you’re not even sad. You’re just overwhelmed.
Some people really do cry more easily than others. Being tired makes it harder to manage your emotions, and so do stress and hormones. None of that means you’re weak or dramatic.
Holding it in all the time isn’t the goal either. One study described by Cleveland Clinic found that people felt worse right after crying, but 90 minutes later they felt better than before they cried. So aim for “later,” and let yourself cry when you’re somewhere safe.
How to stop crying in the moment
1. Slow your breathing
When you’re about to cry, your breathing gets fast and shaky. Taking control of it is the fastest thing you can do, and nobody can tell. Cleveland Clinic suggests slow breathing like box breathing:
- Breathe in through your nose for 4 counts.
- Hold for 4.
- Breathe out slowly for 4.
- Hold for 4. Repeat a few times.
Even just making your out-breath longer than your in-breath helps.
2. Ground yourself in the room
Grounding pulls your attention out of the feeling and into what’s around you. Quietly name 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell and 1 you can taste. Or press your feet into the floor and notice how it feels. It gives your brain a job.
3. Give your body something else to do
- Look up and blink a few times.
- Sip cold water.
- Hold something: a pen, your water bottle, the strap of your bag.
- Unclench your jaw and drop your shoulders.
4. Buy yourself time
You’re allowed to step out. “Can I go to the bathroom?” or “Give me a second” works in class, at practice or in the middle of an argument. A few minutes alone is often all you need.
5. Have a line ready
Sometimes the tears come anyway, and that’s okay. It helps to have a sentence ready so you don’t feel trapped.
Crying in specific situations
At school
Ask to go to the bathroom or the nurse. If it happens a lot, tell one teacher or your school counselor. They can quietly let you step out when you need to, no explanation in front of the class.
During an argument with your parents
Crying when you’re angry is really common, and it can make you feel like you lost the argument. You didn’t. Say “I need a few minutes, then I want to finish talking,” and come back when you’re calmer. It also helps to plan what you want to say before a big talk. Here’s how to talk to your parents so they listen.
When someone gives you feedback
Criticism from a coach, teacher or boss can sting. Write down what they said instead of answering right away. Writing gives your eyes and hands something to do, and you can think about it later.
How to cry less often
If you feel like you’re always on the edge of tears, look at what’s underneath:
- Sleep. Cleveland Clinic notes that managing emotions is harder when you’re tired. Late-night crying is often just a tired brain.
- Stress that’s piling up. When everything is too much, tiny things tip you over. Our coping skills for bad days can help you let some of it out before it builds up.
- Thoughts on repeat. If you replay a moment over and over, try these steps for how to stop overthinking.
- Your cycle. If you get periods, notice whether crying happens more in the week or two before. That’s a common pattern. More on that in why you might cry for no reason.
- A place to let it out. Sometimes you need a good cry at home, on purpose. Writing it down helps too. Try these journal prompts.
When it’s worth talking to someone
Cleveland Clinic says that if you feel like you cry more than you’d like, it might be time to talk to a mental health professional, and that doing so isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s especially worth it if:
- you cry most days, or it’s getting in the way of school or friends
- you feel sad, empty or hopeless most of the time for a couple of weeks or more
- you’ve stopped enjoying things you used to like
- you can’t sleep, or you sleep all the time
Start with a parent, school counselor or doctor. If you’re not sure how to bring it up, here’s how to tell your parents you want to talk to a therapist.
